Those of you who read this blog know that I have doubts and a lot of questions concerning the church. You know of my struggle and battle that I overcome on a weekly basis. You also know the intentions of my heart are pure and are going in the direction of the hope of finding the church to be true.
I am a convert and though I believe in the church, I don't yet know that it is 100% true. I hope that Heavenly Father will teach me it is through my faith.
This past weekend was general conference. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland got up to speak, which I was so excited about because I had met him the month before. In preparing for this general conference I had written down 2 questions. 1. Am I a good Mormon even though I have questions and doubts? 2. How can I grow my faith and learn to KNOW the truths of the things I doubt?
As the talk started I was instantly struck by his topic. The topic of believing. He told a story of a man who's son had died and Christ came to him. He begged Christ to heal him and Christ asked him if he believed. He said, Yay I believe, help thou thine unbelief. It was beautifully poetic to me. As this man is begging Christ to heal his son he is so humble to admit that he believes a little but he still doubts. Immediately Christ raises his son from the dead.
We must always start with the things we know and go from there. Don't worry about the things that you question and doubt, because those will come later. Focus on your beliefs and what you know to be true. Your Heavenly Father knows your heart as he knows mine and because we have faith in him and believe, he will teach us the things that we do not yet know. He will mold and shape our hearts and minds if we stay faithful to him, and ask him with our sincere hearts to teach us the things we so desire.
I encourage you to seek out leaders who can answer your questions, and to realize just as I did yesterday, that you are not evil because you have questions about the church. They are valid and important, and you need to get them answered so you can move on. The greatest minds in the church are the ones who are continually learning and asking so that they can gain a better knowledge and faith to teach and help others.
You are not alone in your quest, just as I know I am not. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me and that through my work, faith, and diligence he is going to teach me that the things I question are either true or not. Either way I believe in my church and I am happier when I am living the teachings of the Gospel vs. not. He knows my heart. He knows that I won't leave the church, and I know that he will teach me so I can become a messenger in his hands.
Don't hate yourself because you don't know everything you want to. Don't be angry that you question. Have patience and faith and know that he is there. Know that he hears you and loves you, and that he will answer your prayers. You will be taught, and those things you believe will soon become things you know.
I don't know you, but I feel more connected to you than I can say. Elder Holland's talk was exactly what I needed to hear and became very personal very quickly for me and in your blog you said many of the things I have and do feel, so thank you for putting it in words and making people like me feel less alone. It meant alot to me :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the kind words. I'm glad they could help you. I only write how I feel, and if my words touch someone or help them on their journey then I've done my job. Keep your head up and know you're not alone. You are special and loved. Never forget that. God bless.
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