Marriage is Sacred and Beautiful

People who have met my husband have felt of the amazing spirit he has.  They have seen the light that surrounds him when he smiles, and they know of the love that he has for his Savior.  I'm lucky to have this amazing man in my life.  

When Dave asked me to marry him I had already made the decision that I was going to start living the teachings and principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I never knew how sacred of a decision that would be.

For those of you who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints you are familiar with the temple.  For those of you that are not familiar with our church, the temple is the house of the Lord. It is one of our most sacred places on this earth.  When you enter to be sealed together as husband and wife, it is the most sacred ordinance that we have as members of our church.  Dave and I were married and sealed in the temple because we chose to do that, and made ourselves worthy of that sacred ordinance.

Dave and our marriage is sealed for eternity.  No matter what we go through on this earth, and no matter what happens to either one of us, we are sealed together for not only time on this earth, but for all eternity. What a beautiful promise that we made not only to each other, but to our Father in Heaven.  Because of that our marriage is promised to outlast this earthly, mortal existence.  We will be bound together long after we leave this earth.  That's what made our marriage possible when I was so sick and dying.

The first year of our marriage when I was sick, Dave was faced with the fact that he may lose his wife.  I was faced with the fact that I was going to leave the love of my life for the time on this earth.  It was heart wrenching.  It was the most difficult thing either of us have ever faced, but through this trial we were comforted with the knowledge that even if I did die, we would be together again.  What a beautiful thing.

I believe (speaking from experience) that when you are faced with your own mortality, certain things change.  This was a time that either Dave and I would pull a part or bound together.  Through this year of trials (and still to this day) Dave and I decided to face decisions together.  We turned to each other.  We didn't turn to our families or our friends when we had hard times.  We leaned on each other, and sought guidance from our Father in Heaven.  This not only strengthened our marriage, but made the love that we have for one another stronger than any bond I have ever known.  I know for a fact that Dave and I can get through any trial, or any circumstance that may come our way because we once were faced with the hardest trial of all; losing your best friend.

Dave is not only the love of my life, but the best friend I could ever ask for.  He is the one I turn to in hard times, and in good.  He is the last person I talk to at night, and he is the first person I talk to in the morning.  We never leave each other without a hug and kiss, and we talk all day long.  I miss him while he's at work and I let him know with a simple text.  I love getting random messages from his during the day telling me how much he loves me.  My heart still skips a beat when I see him walk through the door at night.  And we still hold hands every time we're driving in the car.  It's the little things that make our marriage so much fun.

Not only is our marriage sacred and eternal, but it's also beautiful and enjoyable.  From almost dying, I learned to never take my spouse for granted.  Dave learned the same thing.  Don't make mountains out of mole hills.  Don't scwabble over the wet towels your husband leaves on the floor, because I guarantee you would miss those towels if the next day they were gone for good.  Dave often does the dishes for me just because he knows I hate them.  It's the little moments of showing your spouse that you love and appreciate them.  I know how much Dave loves when I cook, and that is something I started when I was sick and couldn't even eat.  I made him dinner every night, I packed his lunch every day, and I make breakfast for him every morning.  I knew these were the moments I would miss if I was gone, so I wanted to take every opportunity that I had to show him that I loved him.  How beautiful it is to show your spouse how much you love and appreciate them.  A little will go a long way.

Marriage is meant to be fun, enjoyable, happy, and loving.  You're supposed to love being with your spouse.  You're supposed to want to make up quickly because it hurts your heart to argue with them.  It makes us humble, and forgiving.  It teaches us to love others as we want to be loved.  And it gives us the opportunity to serve one of our Heavenly Father's children like Christ would do.  We are supposed to have that unconditional, Christlike love for our spouse.  It doesn't come overnight, but if you practice you can have this love in your home.

People often comment on Dave and my marriage.  They tell me that they can not only see the love that we have for one another, but they can feel it.  I am always told that people love the feeling in my home.  It's the feeling of love.  Don't you want that in your life?  Don't you want people to ask you what you do to have the love that you have?  Don't you want people to recognize the love that you have for your spouse without you saying a word?  Of course you do.  This is something we all want in our lives.  The secret is to treat your spouse like you would want them to treat you.  Forgive quickly, and love always.  Pay attention to them, and applaud their accomplishments.  Don't overlook the small things.  Acknowledge everything that they do, or at least make the effort.  Thank them for the service they provide.  Let them know how much it means to when they make the bed even if they don't put the pillows on correctly.  Love as you would want to be loved.

Marriage is beautiful.  Marriage is sacred.  We must protect our marriages with everything we have because the world is so wicked.  We must let God be a part of our marriage, and ask for his guidance.  He will guide, and protect your sacred union if you simply ask.  Love your spouse.  Love them like no one else could, so they don't want anyone else to love them. Protect your marriage, and your marriage will be beautiful.

Best Friends

I am blessed with having many friends.  God has blessed me with people in my life that love me even though I'm not perfect.  They don't judge me for the things I do wrong, they don't ignore me when I screw up, and if I offend them they don't hate me. They come to me and we work things out.  Friends are one of the greatest blessings in this life, and each of us have one in Christ.

In my life I have had many friends.  Some have stayed with me from the time I was little, some have come and gone, some have been there for a specific instance and then left, and some have been my friends on and off again through out the years.  I think everyone of you can relate to this.  

Friends come and go.  For me it seems like one person is always there at the exact time that I need them, then they might not be in my life for awhile.  God always blesses me with someone at the exact moment that I need them though.  He seems to know what my need is and sends me a friend to be with me, comfort me, love me, make me laugh, hold my hand, and sometimes even cry to.  Whatever I am going through I always have someone by my side; and I am so thankful to my Father in Heaven for providing that comfort for me.

There are some friends that may be there only for brief moment in your life.  It doesn't mean that they are any less special than the long term friends, it just means that they were there when you needed them.  Then there are those friends that you make and they are with you for a lifetime.  Those are the friends I would like to focus on.  The "Best Friends".

I have a lot of friends, but I have very few "Best Friends".  To me best friends are the ones that you make and you just click.  They understand your weird sense of humor, they like the things you like, they laugh at the stupid things that no one but you would, and you have those special inside jokes with them.  They are the ones that no matter what time of day or night it is you can call them up and they will answer.  They are the ones that get that text at 3am telling them that you need a hug and they walk the 2 blocks to your house to hug you.  They are the ones that pick you up when you haven't even asked and take you to lunch because they just had a "feeling" that you needed them.  They are the ones that know when you're sad even if you haven't talked to them in months.  They are the ones that can decode you Facebook posts, and see through the fake happiness.  They are the ones that you get in trouble with, but would never turn the other one in.  They've been there with you in the darkest moments of your life, and they still love you.  They've seen you without make up, in your sweat pants with a box of tissues crying your eyes out, and all they can see is that you need a hug.  They are the friends that you get in fights with and may not talk to for a few months, even years, but will always repair the relationship, and the reason why is because of the bond you have.  Because of the love the 2 of you share there is nothing that can break that friendship.  They are the friends that you consider your family, because in reality, you're truly closer to them than your family.  They are the people that you would rather spend every second of your day with vs. being alone.  They are the ones that you want to come over when you tell everyone else that you don't want any company.  They are your BEST FRIENDS.  For me, these friends are few and far between, but I know they are there for life.  Christ is one of my Best Friends.  He is one of these special people that I sometimes get mad at, sometimes push away, but no matter what he is always there.  

When I was younger Christ wasn't a part of my life.  I didn't have a relationship with him, and the thought of it seemed weird to me.  How on earth could I be friends with someone that I don't see face to face.  Someone that I can't text, or call or, run over to their house to play?  The thought seemed ridiculous and absurd.  Little did I know that later in my life he would become my ultimate best friend.

When I made the decision to come back to the church my relationship with my Savior started to develop. I was very cautious letting him into my life, as I am with every friend that I make.  I'm picky with who I allow into the darkest and brightest parts of my life.  I needed to learn to trust my Savior before I could let him into be my friend.  This didn't happen over night.  

I remember the day I sat in my Bishop's office having my interview to receive my very first temple recommend.  As I was asked the sacred questions I remember being filled with a feeling of love every time I answered that I was worthy.  It was such a touching moment that it brought tears to my eyes.  At the end of the interview my Bishop allowed me to sit there in silence, basking in that feeling of peace and love, before he asked me if I knew what that feeling was.  It was something I had never experienced before, so of course I told him that I didn't know.  He informed me that, that feeling was my Father in Heaven and his Son Jesus, letting me know that I was worthy to enter into their Holy Temple.  That feeling was the spirit of God, and the love that they had for me.  I had never been so honored or so touched in all my life.  I couldn't believe the love that they felt for me.  I knew that if they were willing to give this very special feeling to me that I would never do anything to make it go away.  If they would continue to give this feeling to me, I would not only follow it, but allow them into every part of my life.  I would make them both, my Best Friend.

From that day on I have followed every prompting, every feeling, and every bit of guidance that they have given me.  I know that if I was to ever choose not to follow this feeling, that it would be taken away from me.  I never want this feeling taken away from me, and I never want them to not be a part of my life, so I continue to follow their loving promptings that guide me to do the things that I do.

I remember when I was sick and dying the first year of my marriage.  It was the hardest time of my life physically, but mentally and emotionally it was the most beautiful time of my life.  Everyone told Dave and I that the first year of marriage was the hardest.  Our first year of marriage was the most beautiful.  We were able to see how much we loved each other.  We were able to not sweat the small stuff, because when you're about to lose the person you love those wet towels on the floor don't seem quite as important.  In fact I would miss it so much if one day I woke up and those towels weren't on the floor.  It would mean that my love was gone.  Our first year of marriage built the strongest bond that I have ever experienced.  Dave and I have a marriage that I know is rare, but we have it because we were tested and tried so hard that first year.  Our love is something that can't be touched, tested, or swayed.  I love Dave with all my heart, and I know that, that first year and all we went through was to teach us to lean on our best friend in each other and also our best friend, The Savior.  

Being so ill and not having anyone who understands is difficult, but it taught me to truly allow my Savior to be my best friend.  He was the only person in this world who knew exactly what I was going through.  He was the only one who knew my pain, inside and out.  He was the only one who could hold my hand as I was wheeled into those surgery rooms and say, "I'll be here the whole time, and I understand."  He's the only one that was with me in that recovery room when the nurses couldn't get me to breathe, and he was the one who gave me the choice to either return to him or keep living.  He is the only one who knew what a hard choice that was, and he was the only one that could hold me why I was in that excruciating pain when I started breathing again.  Although my sweet husband has been there every step of the way, my Savior is the only one who truly knows what I go through.

And now today, my Savior is the only person who knows what it's like to throw up on a daily basis.  He is the only one who knows why I scream and cry while I'm laying on the bathroom ground because I'm so worn out.  He listens to me when I cry.  When everyone else is sick of listening, he is there.  He's the only one who knows what it's like to be nauseated 24/7 and still have to do the things you have to do.  He's the only one who knows how great it feels to accomplish a small task like making my bed, or picking up the TV room.  He's the only one that can empathize with carrying loads of laundry up the stairs and being so out of breathe and weak, but knowing that I still have to do it.  He's the only who knows how badly I want to cry sometimes when I'm in a group of people and can't.  He understands my frustrations with daily life, and he never gets sick of listening to me.  I can turn to him for anything and he's never going to push me away or tell me to be quiet.  He is always going to be there.  He always has been there, and he always is there.  All I have to do is ask.

My Savior is truly my best friend.  The great thing about the Savior though, is that not only is he capable of being my best friend in a way that no one else can, but he is capable of being your best friend.  The way he loves and understands and comforts me, isn't just for me.  He is capable of doing the exact same thing for each of you. And the best part is, is that he'll do it whether we are making decisions and choices he wants us to make or not.  He will be there for us whether we are choosing the right or not.  He doesn't have limitations on his friendship.  He's there 100% of the time, all the time, for each one of us.  All we have to do is invite him into our lives. 

I'm thankful for my Savior.  I'm thankful for his love and acceptance of me.  I'm thankful for his friendship and his unconditional love.  Without his love I don't know where I would be.  Without his patience, kindness, acceptance, love, and grace, I wouldn't be alive today.  I wouldn't have the peace and comfort in my life that I have to enjoy today, and I wouldn't have the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for.  

 He will be your friend too.  Invite him into your life.  Allow your heart to give him a chance to trust him.  Give him a shot.  I promise it will be the best decision you will ever make and you will have the greatest friend you've ever had.  Your life will be better, your heart will be softer, and the peace that will come to your life is something that I can't even explain, but it's something you want.  I promise.  Give him a chance to love you.  Give him a chance to be the Best Friend you've ever had.

He Knows Your Name, and He'll Carry You

Everyone has hard days.  Everyone struggles.  Everyone has days when they just can't face the world, and get out of their beds. Everyone knows these pains, heartaches, and sorrows, but only one person knows your name, and will carry you.

Our Savior knows us so intimately because he shed blood specifically for you.  There was a moment when he was on his knees, praying to God to take the bitter cup; and there was a moment where he saw your face and knew your name, and in that moment he shed blood especially for you.  What does that mean??  That means that above everyone else, your Savior knows you.  He has felt exactly what you are feeling.  He knows the pains both physical and mental, that trouble your heart, and he can carry you through them.

Because of the beautiful and sacred atonement, we have someone on our side at all times.  We have someone who understands every bit of our life in explicit detail, and all he wants is for us to ask him to take out hands.  He stands at the door and knocks, and all we have to do is let him in.  All we have to do is cry out in our darkest hours for him to come to us, and he will.  He will NOT leave you comfortless.  He will ALWAYS come to you.

I have gone through some hard things in this 29 years of life.  Some have been things that I didn't believe I would make it through.  There have been times when I thought my life would be taken from me.  There have been times when I have been so alone, and in such a dark place that I never thought I would get out of, and in those moments, those moments of dark deep depression and fear, I have asked for my Savior's loving hand to come and guide me out, and instantly he comes.  INSTANTLY.  He doesn't wait to see if we really can't do it alone, he will come to us instantly, grab our hands and pull us from the dark.  If you will ask he will make a way for you to overcome, and come out on top.  That is what the atonement is all about.

God didn't send us here to fail.  God didn't send us here to do it alone.  He sent us here to gain a body, have experiences, go through trials, and learn that without him we are nothing.  Without him nothing is possible, but with him we can do ANYTHING.  God sent us here to have us realize what we are.  We are humans without guidance, and it is up to us to ask for help.  If we will simply humble ourselves, thank our Lord for all he has done for us, and then ask him to guide us, we will once again return to the good graces of our Father in Heaven to live with him for eternity.  All we have to do is ask.

The atonement is a beautiful thing, and it is meant to be a beautiful part of our life.  No matter how big or small your trial is, the atonement was designed specifically for you.  The atonement of Christ was handpicked, tweaked, and adjusted, for your individual needs.  Each one of us is different, but there is only one Jesus Christ, and he is designed for each one of us.  He knows our name.  He knows our heart.  He loves us, and he wants you to take his hand and return with him.  

You don't have to endure this life alone.  That wasn't the plan.  The plan was to take his hand and have him guide us home.  Don't make life harder than it needs to be.  This life was meant to be beautiful and with the atonement of Christ it will be.  He loves you.  He knows you. And he'll carry you home.

The "Perfect" Mormon Housewife

I've been reading some recent blog posts by women who are not LDS aka "Mormon" but they are speaking exclusively about Mormon Housewives, and especially in Utah.  There is a stigma in Utah about Mormon Housewives.  There is some truth to it as well.  Some (not all) women in Utah feel a certain pressure to act, and live, a certain way.  They feel they have to perform, put on a certain face, and be so-called "on", all the time.  It is true that Utah has the highest prescription drug rate for antidepressants out of any state in the country, but I don't feel like that reflects on being Mormon, I think that has everything to do with being a "Utah" woman.

Since the beginning of Utah history, women have had a very specific role that they've felt society has put on them.  Because the church was founded here, that got twisted into the role that the "Church" has put them in.  They are to be perfect housewives, and perfect mothers, and the perfect neighbor.  Let me just clarify something for everyone reading this; there is no such thing as PERFECT anything.  You are what you are, and if you feel like you're not doing the best you can, then try a little harder.  All the church has ever asked of us as women, or men, is that we do our best, nothing more, nothing less.

Let's define "Best".  Best is not what your neighbor is doing, best is not how many children you have, best is not who takes the 1st dinner to the sick person in the ward, best is not the visiting teacher that comes on schedule every single month, best is not the mom that makes dinner every single night, best is not the wife that cans 86 jars of peaches and 92 jars of pears; oh and I forgot the salsa.  Best is not a happy home where no one fights, best is not a clean home 24/7, and best is not dinner on the table every night by 5 when your husband gets home.  These are all great and if it's you, then I guess this is your "best" but so far in my life, I have yet to meet any women, mormon, from Utah, or not, that does every single one of these things.

We are asked to be positive; check, I can do that.  We are asked to be good neighbors; check, I can do that.  We are asked to be kind; okay, got that one down.  We are asked to not gossip; well I guess I screw up every once awhile when I talk about my family, but who doesn't have a crazy family right?  I guess I'll work better on that.  We are asked to go to church and take the sacrament; I miss church every once and awhile, so I can do better on that.  We are asked to love our husband and no one else; I've got that covered.  We are asked to bring children into eternal families; well crap, I can't have kids.  All is lost, and I'm a terrible person, mormon, woman, etc.  WRONG.  I am an amazing woman, and I do amazing things.  Just because I can't be a mother doesn't make me bad, and if someone thinks badly of me, well guess what, that's on them; NOT me.  I also rarely have a day when I don't have dishes in the sink, when my house is completely clean, and my stairs are ever vacuumed.  I just don't have the energy or stamina.  Does that make me a bad person?  Of course not.  Do I need an antidepressant for it?  No.  Do some people?  Yeah probably, and guess what?  That doesn't make them a bad woman either.  It makes them HUMAN.

I think we as women in general are too hard on ourselves.  In Utah it probably is a little more, but that's because of the pressure we put on ourselves.  Do we feel pressure from other people?  I'm sure we tell ourselves we do, but it actually comes from us.  

I know for me, I have had to stop caring what I think other people think of my house.  I am now concerned that when they come in my home, they feel welcomed, loved, and enjoy the loving spirit that I have to share with them.  I don't think they will care if my dishes are not done or if I have laundry that needs folding.  I don't think they're going to mind if I don't have my make up on when they knock on my door.  I don't think they're going to think poorly of me because I'm still in my pajamas at 4 in the afternoon, and if they do, WHO CARES?  They have to live with that hate and darkness in their soul, but it's not something I have to worry about.  All I need to worry about is me, my family, my Heavenly Father and my relationship, and how I personally am doing in my life.  I need to be a good neighbor, love those that need to be loved, and let God handle the rest.

It breaks my heart how many articles are written about "Utah" women and how depressed they are.  I get sick of hearing how women in Utah are always trying to be perfect, and never have anything wrong in their lives.  How they're always happy, and never sad.  I think it's wonderful and true that the Gospel of Christ brings so much joy and happiness into our lives, but to say that every woman in Utah has the "perfect" life is ridiculous.  

We need to stop comparing our lives to others. To compare ourselves to what others post on FB or Instagram is insane.  When on the internet, people naturally put the best things about their lives.  They don't post their pile of laundry, they don't say how sick they are, they don't post photos of them doing the dishes.  They post vacation photos, pictures of their families all happy and loving one another, they post the good things, because that is what everyone in this world needs to focus on.  What's wrong with a little happiness?  But don't for one second believe that every woman, because she lives in Utah, or is Mormon, has the perfect life.  We are all human, which means we all have to live in real life, and even though you may not see it, it's there, and it's okay.  It's okay to not be "Perfect".

I love that my Savior has taught me through heartache, pain, and illness, that I can't have everything the way I would like all the time.  My health has slowed me down, and I have learned to accept a lot of things about my life.  I have learned to live with floors that aren't mopped, laundry that isn't done, grocery shopping that has to wait, and beds that haven't been made.  I have learned that I'm just not a good scrapbooker, but I don't need to be.  All my Heavenly Father requires of me is that I love him, and love my neighbor.  That's it.  And even though I'm not always 100% at both, I try my best.  I do my best every day, and that's all that matters.  He loves me and my dirty house, and he loves you and yours too.

"The Purpose of the Gospel is to make bad men good, and good men better, and to change human nature." -David O. McKay

A Day in the Life of Jilly

 As I've sat here this morning, I've had some thoughts come into my head that I wanted to share with all of you.  First, I started a twitter account, so if you're on twitter come say hi! @mormonhousewife

Next, I wanted to share with all of you a normal day in Jilly Land.  :)  I wanted each of you to understand me a bit better, and get to know who you're reading about.  So here goes, and I hope you enjoy it...

I wake up at 4am because the pain my shoulder, neck, and leg, won't let me sleep any longer.  My nerve medication wore off hours ago.  It's searing at about a level 10-12 pain.  I wake up, and come in the living room and get on my knees.  I've learned a new way to pray lately, and so I ask my Heavenly Father to help me get through the day and be able toe ENDURE these things that are going on in my body.  Then I THANK him for giving me these trials that I have to deal with, and help me be able to touch others by what I go through.  Use me for good.  Amen.

I slowly climb up from my knees, walk over to medication container, and take my morning meds.  I know in a little bit it won't be this bad.  It will come down to about a 6.  I can live with a 6.  I have come to know that in this life there are certain things that I am going to have to live with, but me being me, I want to know why.  Why was I chosen to deal with as many physical trials as I do? In Fact, I feel like if one of them does go away, God just gives me a new one to replace it.

Some people laugh and say "Isn't that the way it goes?"

And it does go that way 100% of the time with me, but I'm not content in just taking another pill for it.  If I have to endure this that's fine, but I also want to know why God has given me this trial.

My arms, legs, and feet have electricial twitches (like electricity) moving through them from the moment I wake up in the morning, until I fall completely asleep at night.  Even laying in bed I have to tuck my toes under Dave's legs so I can relax enough to fall asleep. Then I wake up, and get my yogurt and morning tea, come sit on the recliner, and tuck my toes under my bum so they're flexed and have pressure on them.  That's the only way I get a bit of relief.  

I'm constantly squeezing my thumbs and crossing my arms firmly, so I can get relief from the twitching in my bicep and fingers.  It's not the muscle either, it's damaged nerves that they can't do anything about.  To be able to deal with these things was a lesson of faith on my part.

9 months ago all I could do was cry and plead with God to take it away.  I went to hundreds of doctor's appts. insane amounts of tests and they couldn't find anything except my nerves are very sensitive to feeling.  Finally after 6 months of pleading with God, I decided to say a different prayer.  One morning as I got on my knees, I told him that if this was something that I was going to have to deal with, then to please allow me to be able to accept it and live with it.  Please stop letting it consume me and make me crazy.  

Now, 9 months later the twitching is worse than ever, but I don't whine and cry anymore.  He made it okay.  He made it able for me to deal with.  It means I stand and walk a lot, I do yoga multiple times a day, and I have found peace by reading my scriptures and THANKING Heavenly Father for listening and answering my prayers.  I thanked him for taking this burden from me and making me able to endure it.  

I know someday this particular trial will help someone else in their time of need.  Same thing goes with the excruciating nerve pain I have in my neck, shoulder, and leg.  After 7 months of searching I thought there wasn't any hope.  I was going to have to add this to the list.  I started to pray for help and understanding (just like I did with the twitching).  I received the same message, "Because I will use you as a tool to touch others" was the prompting I received.  

The pain in my neck, shoulder, and leg, is so intense that I am only able to sleep a few hours each night.  I wake up sweating because even though I'm laying flat and that helps my neck and shoulder, it hurts my leg.  So I get up, go into my TV room, and start to do my pilates and yoga at 3:30am for a little relief.  I rub tigers balm all over and just stretch, and breathe; stretch and breathe.  I'm thankful God told the doctor's to tell me to start yoga.  I don't know what I'd do without it.

I deal with this pain until 7am when I can take my nerve medication that takes the pain from a 12 to a 6. It takes about 30 min. to kick in, so I just roll back and forth on my foam roller.  I'm thankful to my Heavenly Father for helping me find something that helps me.  I'm thankful that he has taught me to live with this trial.

I know by noon, after I have my first "real meal" of the day (soft foods), that I will be nauseated and unable to speak until 4pm, so I try to make all my phone calls, pick up prescriptions, and run my errands in the morning.  I like to try to be back by 11 so I can watch a "Utah" show on TV.  I love having my little alone time to watch a crafting show, and have a cup of tea.  I do things a lot slower since I originally got sick in 2009.  Life is a lot slower and more peaceful.

In the hours I'm nauseated and Dave is at work I take a nap, or read the scriptures/ensigns, or make jewelry.  I normally have to take a nap ever day because I just get so exhausted.  No matter what though I always get my spiritual reading time in.  I try to feel the love and comfort of my Heavenly Father that I personally need to make it through the day.

When Dave gets home from work, I spend 30 minutes totally devoted to him.  I hug and kiss him, and listen to all about his day.  We just sit and talk.  Then if I have the energy I make dinner, and if not, we get take out.  We have learned that we have to do take out because I throw up so much, I like to be at my home when I eat.  

When we're done with dinner, I'll clean up, and Dave helps.  Dave's okay with helping and doing daily chores especially on those couple of days a week where I'm to weak, or hurt to bad to even get out of bed.  I'm so thankful for my beautiful husband.  I'm so touched by all he has gone through because of me, and by all the hard work he does day in and day out.  I don't know what it's like to be him, but I can imagine that it's kind of hard having a sick spouse and trying to do medical school.  He handles it all with a huge smile on his face and more love than I could ever hope for.  If everything else fails, I will always be eternally grateful that God gave me Dave.  This wasn't the life he signed up for, but he's NEVER complained about one bit of it.  He just continues to help, and love me unconditionally.  He brings me so much happiness.

After dinner, I let Dave help me clean up (yes he does the dishes) and then I go and climb into my pajamas (if I'm not already in them), and go sit on my big comfy chair.  We watch Seinfeld and SYTYCD, and then the news at 9.  Then Dave sits in his bean bag chair playing video games, and I have to interrupt to have him come in and tuck me in, and give me kisses goodnight.  

By 9:30 I'm exhausted.  All my meds have worn off by then and I call it a day.  I say my prayers, write in my journal, and turn out the light.  I know I'll be up soon so I have to take sleep when it comes.

All of this is okay.  We're put here to be tried and tested.  We're put here to endure to the end, and that's exactly what I intend to do.  I can deal with all of this because he gave me the grace of being able to live through all I went through.  I can live with this because he allowed me to stay with my Dave, and with Dave I can do anything.  

If my thoughts or feelings on life or daily living, can help anyone get through their day a little easier, then I've done my job.  I know my ailments aren't going away, but through God's grace and love he can help me live with them.  I live my daily life just fine, just a little slower then I used to, and that's okay.  Everything's going to be okay because I have God on my side, and he Loves Me.