Thursday, August 1, 2013
A Day in the Life of Jilly
As I've sat here this morning, I've had some thoughts come into my head that I wanted to share with all of you. First, I started a twitter account, so if you're on twitter come say hi! @mormonhousewife
Next, I wanted to share with all of you a normal day in Jilly Land. :) I wanted each of you to understand me a bit better, and get to know who you're reading about. So here goes, and I hope you enjoy it...
I wake up at 4am because the pain my shoulder, neck, and leg, won't let me sleep any longer. My nerve medication wore off hours ago. It's searing at about a level 10-12 pain. I wake up, and come in the living room and get on my knees. I've learned a new way to pray lately, and so I ask my Heavenly Father to help me get through the day and be able toe ENDURE these things that are going on in my body. Then I THANK him for giving me these trials that I have to deal with, and help me be able to touch others by what I go through. Use me for good. Amen.
I slowly climb up from my knees, walk over to medication container, and take my morning meds. I know in a little bit it won't be this bad. It will come down to about a 6. I can live with a 6. I have come to know that in this life there are certain things that I am going to have to live with, but me being me, I want to know why. Why was I chosen to deal with as many physical trials as I do? In Fact, I feel like if one of them does go away, God just gives me a new one to replace it.
Some people laugh and say "Isn't that the way it goes?"
And it does go that way 100% of the time with me, but I'm not content in just taking another pill for it. If I have to endure this that's fine, but I also want to know why God has given me this trial.
My arms, legs, and feet have electricial twitches (like electricity) moving through them from the moment I wake up in the morning, until I fall completely asleep at night. Even laying in bed I have to tuck my toes under Dave's legs so I can relax enough to fall asleep. Then I wake up, and get my yogurt and morning tea, come sit on the recliner, and tuck my toes under my bum so they're flexed and have pressure on them. That's the only way I get a bit of relief.
I'm constantly squeezing my thumbs and crossing my arms firmly, so I can get relief from the twitching in my bicep and fingers. It's not the muscle either, it's damaged nerves that they can't do anything about. To be able to deal with these things was a lesson of faith on my part.
9 months ago all I could do was cry and plead with God to take it away. I went to hundreds of doctor's appts. insane amounts of tests and they couldn't find anything except my nerves are very sensitive to feeling. Finally after 6 months of pleading with God, I decided to say a different prayer. One morning as I got on my knees, I told him that if this was something that I was going to have to deal with, then to please allow me to be able to accept it and live with it. Please stop letting it consume me and make me crazy.
Now, 9 months later the twitching is worse than ever, but I don't whine and cry anymore. He made it okay. He made it able for me to deal with. It means I stand and walk a lot, I do yoga multiple times a day, and I have found peace by reading my scriptures and THANKING Heavenly Father for listening and answering my prayers. I thanked him for taking this burden from me and making me able to endure it.
I know someday this particular trial will help someone else in their time of need. Same thing goes with the excruciating nerve pain I have in my neck, shoulder, and leg. After 7 months of searching I thought there wasn't any hope. I was going to have to add this to the list. I started to pray for help and understanding (just like I did with the twitching). I received the same message, "Because I will use you as a tool to touch others" was the prompting I received.
The pain in my neck, shoulder, and leg, is so intense that I am only able to sleep a few hours each night. I wake up sweating because even though I'm laying flat and that helps my neck and shoulder, it hurts my leg. So I get up, go into my TV room, and start to do my pilates and yoga at 3:30am for a little relief. I rub tigers balm all over and just stretch, and breathe; stretch and breathe. I'm thankful God told the doctor's to tell me to start yoga. I don't know what I'd do without it.
I deal with this pain until 7am when I can take my nerve medication that takes the pain from a 12 to a 6. It takes about 30 min. to kick in, so I just roll back and forth on my foam roller. I'm thankful to my Heavenly Father for helping me find something that helps me. I'm thankful that he has taught me to live with this trial.
I know by noon, after I have my first "real meal" of the day (soft foods), that I will be nauseated and unable to speak until 4pm, so I try to make all my phone calls, pick up prescriptions, and run my errands in the morning. I like to try to be back by 11 so I can watch a "Utah" show on TV. I love having my little alone time to watch a crafting show, and have a cup of tea. I do things a lot slower since I originally got sick in 2009. Life is a lot slower and more peaceful.
In the hours I'm nauseated and Dave is at work I take a nap, or read the scriptures/ensigns, or make jewelry. I normally have to take a nap ever day because I just get so exhausted. No matter what though I always get my spiritual reading time in. I try to feel the love and comfort of my Heavenly Father that I personally need to make it through the day.
When Dave gets home from work, I spend 30 minutes totally devoted to him. I hug and kiss him, and listen to all about his day. We just sit and talk. Then if I have the energy I make dinner, and if not, we get take out. We have learned that we have to do take out because I throw up so much, I like to be at my home when I eat.
When we're done with dinner, I'll clean up, and Dave helps. Dave's okay with helping and doing daily chores especially on those couple of days a week where I'm to weak, or hurt to bad to even get out of bed. I'm so thankful for my beautiful husband. I'm so touched by all he has gone through because of me, and by all the hard work he does day in and day out. I don't know what it's like to be him, but I can imagine that it's kind of hard having a sick spouse and trying to do medical school. He handles it all with a huge smile on his face and more love than I could ever hope for. If everything else fails, I will always be eternally grateful that God gave me Dave. This wasn't the life he signed up for, but he's NEVER complained about one bit of it. He just continues to help, and love me unconditionally. He brings me so much happiness.
After dinner, I let Dave help me clean up (yes he does the dishes) and then I go and climb into my pajamas (if I'm not already in them), and go sit on my big comfy chair. We watch Seinfeld and SYTYCD, and then the news at 9. Then Dave sits in his bean bag chair playing video games, and I have to interrupt to have him come in and tuck me in, and give me kisses goodnight.
By 9:30 I'm exhausted. All my meds have worn off by then and I call it a day. I say my prayers, write in my journal, and turn out the light. I know I'll be up soon so I have to take sleep when it comes.
All of this is okay. We're put here to be tried and tested. We're put here to endure to the end, and that's exactly what I intend to do. I can deal with all of this because he gave me the grace of being able to live through all I went through. I can live with this because he allowed me to stay with my Dave, and with Dave I can do anything.
If my thoughts or feelings on life or daily living, can help anyone get through their day a little easier, then I've done my job. I know my ailments aren't going away, but through God's grace and love he can help me live with them. I live my daily life just fine, just a little slower then I used to, and that's okay. Everything's going to be okay because I have God on my side, and he Loves Me.