Monday, May 21, 2012

Inactive for 8 years and Back Again

I don't know how many people see this website of mine.  I don't know who reads this, or why they are on this page.  All I know right now, today, is that I want to share a bit of my testimony with you.

I was born and raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  When I was 14 my father was my Bishop, and I made the decision to stop going to church.  Over the next 8 years of my life I went against the majority of the teachings of the LDS church.  I drank alcohol, I had coffee every morning, I went to bars, I never dated an LDS man, I never admitted to anyone that I was LDS because I never wanted anyone to associate my actions with the church.  During these 8 years I found out a lot about myself.  I found some of my true, core beliefs.  I found out that I truly do believe in the church and it's teachings but I wasn't at a point in my life where I was ready to live them.  I had a lot of built up anger towards the church for the way that some things in my past had been handled. 

I felt a lot of guilt through my life.  I was angry at my Heavenly Father.  I didn't know if he truly loved me or cared about me.  I always knew that my Savior loved me, and I always knew that my Savior listened to me, but I didn't know if my Father in heaven did.  I know that a lot of my core beliefs aren't alined perfectly with the teachings of the church and I wasn't sure if I could really be a member of the church if I believed some of these things.  I had to come to my own acceptance that the church that was created by God is perfect.  God the eternal father and his son Jesus Christ are perfect, but the church that man put on this earth is not.  The church is ran by imperfect men.  That being said, I knew that it was the most perfect church on the planet at this time.  It may not be 100% but it's closer than any other.

I spent a lot of time on my knees at the age of 24 deciding if I was going to come back to the church and marry my amazing husband in the temple for time and all eternity.  I knew after praying that what I decided to do was correct.  That deciding to be a member, a fully active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was the best decision for me.

I will never forget going in for my temple recommend and meeting with my bishop.  It was the first time that I felt the spirit, and the first time that my Father in Heaven confirmed to me that he loved me, that all of my past sins had been forgiven, and that I was worthy to enter the house of the Lord.

I know that my decision to become a full fellowship member was the best one that I could make.  I'm happy with my decision.  Happier than I have ever been in my life.  You have to make your decision that is best for you.  I know that if you ask your Father in Heaven if the church is the right choice for you, he will give you the answer you need.