I don't often talk about my husband on this particular blog. I have a personal blog which I do, but I have really tried to focus this blog about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Today though, those 2 subjects go hand in hand, so I am going to share a bit about my husband with you.
My sweet husband and I met about 5 years ago. When we started dating my husband's construction company was not doing very well. It was hit hard during the recession. He was a bit down when I met him, and not sure what he was supposed to do in his life. As we continued dating and he realized that I was the person he wanted to spend eternity with, he really started to focus on what God wanted him to do. We made the decision that he was supposed to go back to school to prepare to become a doctor. I told him how proud I was of him, and that I would support him 100% in this process. I knew at that time that it was not going to be easy, but in the end it was going to be worth it. God let us know that this was the path that we were supposed to take, so we dove in and haven't looked back.
A month after Dave and I were married, he was in his 2nd semester of school at the age of 26. After a long day at school, and I at work, we came home to enjoy dinner together as we did every evening. After dinner we sat on the couch and were telling one another about our day. All of the sudden I was in extreme pain, and we had to go to the emergency room. After what seemed like forever, they found that I had a serious problem that required surgery immediately. After that surgery I ended up in the hospital for 2 months, and during the next year I was unable to eat anything.
During that year as I was slowly dying, Dave continued to work so hard in school. He was straight A student, and on top of school he had to deal with his new bride dying. He would wake up at 5am, go to school until 4pm and then come to the hospital and sit in my hospital room and studied until 10pm. He would then drive an hour to our home to do the whole routine over again. He never complained, he never whined, and he never let me see how truly scared he was. He would walk in my hospital room and kiss me, wash my hair, bathe me, take me for a walk around the floor, and read to me. I never knew at that time the stress, the pain, or the turmoil that he was going through inside.
On one particular day I had another emergency where I had to have emergency surgery at 3am. Dave and I were the only ones in my hospital room when we found this out. As they wheeled me down to surgery and I prepared to kiss my husband goodbye, we had an overwhelming feeling that this was going to be the end of our marriage here on earth. Even with the knowledge that we would be together for eternity, nothing prepares you to lose the one you love. As I kissed him goodbye, we were both in tears. I felt like I was having my heart torn out of my chest. I have not felt pain like that in all my life.
As they took me into the surgery room, I remember laying on the table and begging God to save my life. No matter what happened, I wanted to live to be with my husband. Needless to say, I was saved. (If you would like to know this story in detail you can click here for the details). Over the next year and countless surgeries, Dave and I became closer than we could have ever imagined. We learned to cherish every day and enjoy every second with each other.
The reason I share this with you, is because since I have gotten well (to an extent) Dave has opened up to me about what he was going through. He always kept a strong face when he was with me, but I had no idea the turmoil and pain he was dealing with inside. No one could have prepared him for the trials of that year. When I have asked him how he made it, he knew it was because of the love of his Savior. He didn't feel like anyone in this world could understand what he was going through except Christ, and so that is who he turned to for comfort.
It's hard in times of trial and struggle to see the hand of God. It's hard to not feel deserted and left alone. It's painful to imagine that when you are speaking with God and begging him to do something, that he is not listening. In these times you do 1 of 2 things. Your faith either grows or it suffers. You choose to become closer to God or push him away. Dave said that there were many times where he would scream at God and be so furious because he wasn't listening. He felt like he was giving 100% and doing all he could do, and that God was not coming through on his part. He had made the sacrifices he promised to, he was going to school, he was married in the temple, he was going to church, and doing everything he knew to be true and correct, and yet he felt as if God had forsaken him and forgotten him. Little did he know that God was preparing him to be the man he needs to be. God was teaching him through trial and struggle, that no matter what is going on in your life, you must remain faithful. During the darkest times of Dave's life, some of the greatest things happened. His wife was saved, and he gained a relationship with God that can never be broken. He learned what true faith is all about.
To this day as Dave and I sometimes struggle, or get scared that we won't be able to make it through, but we know that because of our faith in Jesus Christ, good things are to come. It might not be now, in the future, or even in this lifetime, but we have been promised that if we remain true and faithful, God will bless us. He will come to us in our time of need, and he will allow us to lean on him for strength when we feel as though we have none. We have learned that we can make it through anything with the love of God. The reason we struggle is to teach us, and mold us into the people that he wants us to be. He is creating his masterpiece in us.
God loves us. He wants each of us to be happy. He will come to us if we will just choose to ask. He will not desert us in our time of need, even though we may feel that way. When we are struggling, we must try to ask God what he wants us to learn from this. What is he preparing us for when we are so low? What do we need to do to become the person we wants us to be?
I want to leave this post with a talk that I heard today by Jeffrey R. Holland. He talks about his time as a young father and husband, and some of his trials. He lets us in a part of his life that was low, and seemed like it would never end, but how the love of our Savior taught him that he is a Son of a Heavenly Father that loves him. I hope it will bring you comfort in your time of need.
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