Saturday, July 20, 2013

Daily Battles and the Savior

Some of you know the health struggles that I have because you either know me, or you follow my other blogs. You don't need to know the details of what my health problems are for this post though. It just gives a bit of a background for what I'm about to share.

I live with physical pain on a daily basis due to some complications to surgeries from my past.  I also deal with a mental illness which causes mental and emotional pain.  Each of us deal with pain on a daily basis.  For some it is physical, for others it's emotional, and for some it's even spiritual. Pain is a subject I'm very familiar with. I have experienced all sorts of pain in my life from many different ailments or events in my life. You could say I've "gotten used to" living with pain (as much as you can really get used to it).

Living with pain daily from the time I was a little girl until now, has given me a unique perspective. I remember as a child feeling different, and "weird" because of the pain I felt. I remember being made fun of because of it.  I remember acting out while learning to deal with it.  The differences of being a child and an adult are huge, and I'm grateful for the lessons I have learned in my very young wisdom.

This pain I live with every day has given me a keen understanding, and love, for my Savior.  The pain I have daily hasn't made me bitter or angry, it has made me grateful and appreciative.  It has made me so thankful for the days when I'm not sick, or weak.  It has made me appreciate the fullness of life when I am able to live it.  It makes me grateful for having the energy to go to the grocery store on days when I can.  It has made me realize that it's okay to cancel appointments, to say "No" to someone, and be patient with myself.  It has made me "slow down" in this rat race of life, and enjoy the little moments. But most importantly it has made me thankful for my Savior.  

My Savior knows and understands, in detail; every single "pain" I suffer from on a daily basis.  He is the one I can turn to for comfort from every physical, mental, and emotional, pain I feel.  He never judges, never gets annoyed, never gets irritated or sick of hearing from me, and he is always empathetic.  He is my shoulder to lean on, my hand to help me up, and he's there to wipe away my tears.  When I get on my knees to ask for his help, I know he will answer.  

I have learned to stop asking for my pain to be taken away.  I know that it is one of my trials here on earth to live with and suffer from these mental, physical, and emotional, pains, because it helps me better understand and love other people.  It makes me more empathetic and open to understand the needs of others, and be their support; like the Savior has been mine.  It gives me an opportunity to share with them the message that even though my pain isn't taken away, I have found comfort in Jesus Christ, and so can they.

I have learned to ask for understanding.  I have learned to ask for patience.  I have learned to ask for the will to live everyday with these issues.  And because he grants these blessings to me, I'm able to get on my knees and thank him when he makes a day a little easier for me.  I know that when I have a day where I actually feel "good" that it's not just by chance.  It's the love of my Father in Heaven, and Savior, Jesus Christ, who are making me feel "good" that day.   

They love me enough to trust me to carry these burdens to help others, and they love me enough to send me good days, and comfort when I feel like I am going to drop.  The days when I feel like I just can't go on are the hardest, and those are the days that they are with me the most.  Those are the days when they are standing in my room watching over me as I lay in my bed with tears streaming down my face.  In my darkest hours are the times when I feel them the closest.  They will not leave me comfortless, they will ALWAYS come to me.

I'm grateful for my suffering, just as the Savior was grateful.  It doesn't mean I have to like it, because I know Christ didn't like it. (And in no way am I comparing myself to Christ) He even asked God to take it away from him, but God didn't.  Just like I know this won't be taken from me.  This is something I will live with my entire life, and that's okay.  It's okay that I hurt everyday, because it means on the days that are good, I will have opportunities to touch others, and that's the most important.

He'll Carry You by Hilary Weeks 

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